A new morning!

Waking up this morning to a new morning, I have to say I feel stronger than ever. I feel brave, proud and last but not least humble. I have had yesterdays post ready for years, but I never had the guts to post it. I have been afraid of what the world might think of me. I have always been so afraid of hurting those closest to me. But the response I got yesterday has been more than I could ever imagine. I feel a tonn lighter today. And it feels heavenly. There were many tears yesterday tears over finally having told my story. Tears over all those magnificent people that gave me support. You are all fantastic. It means the world to little me.

I now embark on a new chapter. A chapter where openness about what happened will be different. I will never name a name because I am not out to hurt. The ones that need to know the name already does and the rest of the world dont need somewhere to hang the coat. The coat is on me. I am the one carrying it and from now on it will be visible. A burden has been lifted from my shoulders. If I never get an appology then so be it. If his family still wanna brand me a liar then so be it. I have told my story. I now have a voice. And believe me this voice wont be silenced.

I dont know if yesterdays post will be the last one about the abuse. But I can promise you all that it wont be my last living with post. There is so much I want the world to be aware of and get an open mind about. We live in a world where there is to much predjuce. I was named and called alot of horrible things during my years of drugs, alchol and a big sexual appetite. But I took the torch in my own hand and started joking with it myself. It took the sting out of all the bad words. Yes, it all hurt, hurt badly. But it was easier to carry having such a ugly attitude about myself.

But enough about that. Today is gonna be used on my little princess. Today it is 2 years ago since I went into hospital experiencing giving birth for the second time in my life. Today it is 2 years ago since life took another new turn. And I love watching the joy in her eyes. I look forwards to my hubby gets home from work and we can give her the birthdaygifts. I look forwasds to seeing the joy in her eyes.

Thank you to each and every one of you. You mean alot to someone, you mean alot to me ♥

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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Living with abuse!

For me it has been a long process learning to live with abuse.

First there was shame. Shame over the fact that this happened to me. Shame cause I allowed it to happen. Shame because I didnt know wether it was right or wrong. At this point in my life I was already a big liar cause of other things in my life. I lied about everything. Maybe it was a way of getting attention. Maybe it was a way to feel something other than shame. But I was always on alert. Always watching. Making sure it didnt happen to anyone else, even tho I was just a kid.

Then denial and selfmedicating using alcohol, later drugs and a elaborate sexuallife. I was terrified of the bedroomdarknes and I was using sex to try to stop being afraid. I cried every time it was over and I was alone again. I hated everything I felt. I hated me!

After that there was "I just got to live with it". Where I was thinking oh well it has shaped me into who I am. How bad can I really be? He can just live his life how he wants, I wont say anything. I am just gonna be on alert and make sure it doesnt happen to others. Because I will be ok.

Now I live with the sorrow, the sadness and the anger, I am angry because he could do something like this to me. Angry because I allowed it to happen. I am sad because it ruined and ruins so much in me and around me. I am both sad and angry because he just doesnt say I am sorry, I know I did something wrong. Please forgive me. Because I know I can forgive. I am not one to want to distroy someone, I just want to know that he is aware that what he did wasnt normal. That he has really made his mark on me. I wanna get away from feeling like the big bad wold just because I am the one living with the damage done. At least thats how it feels.

I am sad because I dont know. I dont know why. I dont know if he knows what he did was wrong. That he ruined so much with what he did. That I am left here feeling broken. I dont know if I will ever get away from all these feelings. I dont know if this is the last bit of the process, that I can finally have peace. I want my life back. Please face what you have done to me. You dont have to tell the world, just tell me. It will stay with me. Because I hope the years have changed you and that this was a mistake cause you just didnt know better.

Living with abuse is hard. Maybe specially hard when you feel people dont belive you. When he walks around like he has done nothing wrong. When you sit there everyday reliving parts of what you have been through. When all you do is blame yourself. Why didnt I say no more clearly? Why didnt I tell an adult? Why did it all evolve into some kind of absurd loveaffaire because you just thought maybe it was suppose to be that way. But I was only a child. Was it my responsibility, should I have done more? Maybe not, but I was the one who should have said something. Even tho I was only a child. I think and think about it alot. Maybe it was all in my head. But why am I still so afraid. Why do I remember it all, why has it ruined me so much?

We need to step up!!!
We need to teach our children to speak up. About injustice done onto themselves and onto others. The adults need to get tougher. Tough enough to walk the mile. Tough enough to help those who have no voice, those who are afraid and lost. Those that dont know wether they need help or not. Those that dont know that things like this are wrong. We need to step up. We need to use our voice and speak up ourselves too. We need to learn that we can help.

One hand reached out might be what saves that one person.

I have now taken a very big step in the process of getting this over and done with. This has been a burden for me for many years. This is all to open our eyes. To make us pay attention, to reach out a hand where that one hand might be the difference between life and death, I wanna say despite pretty big psychological problems I have managed pretty well. I will be honest and say I have had my thoughts about ending it all, but my fear of death and my love for my family has kept me going. So a biiig thank you to all those who have been there for me throughout my life =)

Got to put a littl update. This was not someone caring for me, this person was alot younger than that.

• How would you have dealt with hearing about abuse?
• Would you be tough enough to walk the mile?

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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Cheese and garlicloaf

Since I love experimenting when I make food I have had a creative day. I figured our barbaque food needed a little something extra. So I just got cracking =P 

First I baked two loaves.

Ingredients:
50 grams baking yeast
2 tablespoons oliveoil
4 desiliters milk
1 teaspoon salt
10 desiliters flour

Heat ut the milk and add in the oil and salt. (I put this into my kenwood machine since it is better to add the liquid first in it.) After that I added in all the flour and last the baking yeast. I let the machine work until the dough was smooth and had let go off the bowl. Cover the bowl with plastic or a damo cloth and let the dough rise until it is double in size. This dough is enough for 2 loaves. Work the dough really well befor making two oval loaves or add the pieces into breadpans. Allow them to rise again until about double in size. Put them in the lowest placement in the oven on 200 degrees celcius for about 30-40 minutes. (Know your oven. For me I had to put them on top of the bottom placement instead of on the actual lowest part of it. And for a max of 30 minutes. Cause my oven is new and very good.) Take the loafs out and let them cool of on a rack.

The saladanimal =P

I am one massive saladanimal. If I could I would have just salad for all meals. But I guess one have to get more than just salad into ones body =P Buuuut I am also one of those who hate dressing. Thousand Island dressing is so horrid to me that I cringe just thinking about it. And oil dressings look so greasy. Looks like eating salad with melted butter on. =P I am pretty sure there is some kind of error up in my head for thinking like that. But at least it made me make up my own homemade dressing that I eat on salad, taco, french fries and alot more =) 

Lilli's yoghurt dressing

4 big tablespoons of none flavoured yoghurt
3,5 teaspoons of kikoman soyasaus
1 teaspoon of lemon

Mix together and enjoy on salad or what ever you fancy. =)

• Have you ever had to modify any food item to make it suit you?
• What is your favourite dressing?

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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Hooked on Pukka =P

I think I am hooked on Pukka tea. It is just so amazingly good. Specially the licorice and peppermint one. Earlier I didnt even drink tea cause I never thought it tasted any good. And now all of a sudden I am totally addicted =P IT was so bad that my mom even asked me if I was pregnant again. Cause the last time I drank tea was when I was pregnant with babygirl. Well I told her the truth that I aint pregnant. I just simply think I am slowly becoming an adult and starting to enjoy things that are different then soda.

I also really wanna test out teapigs tea. But first I need to find someone that can ship it here for me. Cause the customs on it just isnt worth it in the end. =( And I really wanna test them out cause they look amazing. I think it will only be the first round that I need someone to help me get it shipped cause I am planning a little something. I plan to get the 12 pack of testers, and as well get a couple of tester sets to give as a gift. But after that getting one and one big pack would be ok cause it would be under the amount that we can go up to befor having to pay customs.

• Do you drink tea?
• What is your favourite?

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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❣ Likenshare ❣ Ladies Night

Likenshare has this thing going where you can win tickets to a Ladies Night at the movies with pre premier of The other woman, Had been soooo cool to win tickets for that. Isnt that often that I get to go to the movies. And how cool wouldnt it be to get dolled up and have a girlsnight with someone. It is Ladies Night after all =)

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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Stimulash Fusion ♥ Midway

I am now midway in using Stimulash Fusion. I have now used it every night for a little over 3 weeks and I can see a little bit of change. But it is from now on and out the last weeks that the change gets more apparent. Stimulash is to be used every night for 6 weeks, then you use it one night a week after that. I use it as I said in my first post on both my brows and my lashes. And I think the change is bigger on my brows. I can see that the void is getting smaller. And I hope the change will be more visible now these next few weeks.

Here is the photo from befor I started

Unfortunatly my brows was really not pretty here. But you can see the void in the arc of my brow.

This is what it all looks like right now. I can see that the void is a bit more covered. Even after my brows have been plucked a little. My lashes isnt much longer I think, but I myself can really tell that they seem thicker. And now I am just looking forwards to seeing the next 3 weeks =)

• Have you tested Stimulash or any other lash stimulant?
• If you had to choose one product you could never change, what would it be?

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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Artic Wildlife Senter

The highlight of this eastervacation was our visit to the Artic Wildlife Senter in Bardu. My son was actually really sad cause he didnt get to go to the waterpark due to his earinfection, but belive me the Artic Wildlife Senter went above and beyond anything he could have imagined. He was almost like a kid in a candystore =P

The trip was so successful that my sister and her family just had to go visit the Senter when they drove home on monday. Cause we actually got to see a guided tour with feeding of some of the animals. It was so extremly worth each dime =P And it wasnt that expencive either. It was £21,50 for adults and £12,50 for kids between 3 and 15 years of age. And even in rain, some wet snow and wind alot of people came to look at the animals.

Here is some pictures that I choose, cause I took ALOT of photos...lol The photoanimal in me took totally over.

The stag was looking out on his territorie. The female was just too busy eating =P

Got a picture of the lynx that really shows that it is of the cat family. It was so much fun to follow what they were doing. They followed us when we walked along the paths. And they had just had breedingtime so in may-june they might have 11 lynx's all together. The animalcaretaker was actually inside with the lynx and to keep them on arms length she was throwing the food away from herself. =)

The pretty lynx sitting there watching us. Babygirl was saying "pusa, pusa" all the time. It is her way of saying pus which means cat/kitten in norwegian.

The moose just didnt wanna be in my picture so he turned his behind to the camera and walked away =P

Eastervacation

Oh boy oh boy what a trip!

Even with a good portion of bad weather it has been one amazing vacation. Friday and Sunday were the two days with the best weather. And that meant a walk for us skiiless people and a skiitrip for the ones with skiis =) 

I have taken alot of pictures and tought I would share a selection with you all. Cause I love you all and wanna share the amazing things with you all =) There is one more post about the trip coming tomorrow and it is a really special one for me. I will say it was the highlight of the trip for my little family. Cause on the first day as I said yesterday all the kids and the 4 youngest of the adults went into the hottub and unfortunatly it ended in a earinfection for my son =,( So the trip we had planned going to Polarbadet (swimmingpoolpark) got canceled for us. So we decided to do something else with our kids and it was a MASSIVE success =)

But here are some pictures from the trip.

My darling son on our way on vacation. About a 5 hour drive ahead of us.

My bitty babygirl fell asleep really quickly after starting the drive. (Sorry for the blur, but my son was the photographer)

Just have to share this picture. This is right outside Sortland, but it was so cool that I was in the mirror even tho I look a little annoyed =P

My handsome hubby helping babygirl back up to the porch =)

The eastercabin

Just have to share some pictures of the cabin we stayed at during easter. There will be two more posts about our trip in the next few days and as well on thursday I will post up the video as well. Just dont wanna ruin the surprise by posting the video now and you wont get to see it with the photos =P Cause thursday will be a really special post for me =)

 This is the cabin the way we saw it as soon as we arrived at our destination. This cabin is somewhere in the middle of Målselv mountain village. It has one amazing view and walking distance to the welcomesenter and the skii facilitys.

Pallet furniture ♥

I love to upcycle thing.
And pallets have for a long time
been something I wanted to upcycle.
I wanna build a bed and patiofurniture
out of pallets.

  Illustrationphoto

 Illustrationphoto

Last summer my dear hubby got
me a wire"barrel/drum" that we use
as a table outside.
This "barrel/drum" will be painted white.
So if I get pallets then they will
be painted white as well.

First thing I want to make out
of pallets is the bed then patiofurniture.
The patiofurniture will not be the same
as the photo cause I want to make
them without the back.
And as well mine will be broader.

I wish we had our own house,
it would make things like this so
much easier for me.
Cause then I wouldnt have to worry
about having to move the furniture one day.

But now my hubby might finally have
a job again, so then maybe we can
start saving up to buy our own.

• Do you like to upcycle?
• Do you have anything upcycled?

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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On our way

Easter vacation here we come. So looking forwards to this.

❣ Likenshare ❣ Arya Laya - Carrot oil

I got to test out Carrot oil by Arya Laya from Natur produkter.

First impression is boy o boy is this orange =P
And as well also this product has a strong smell.

I havent gotten to test out the product just yet,
since I have decided to only use it
in the morning and keep using Nuxellence
at night since I really love it so much =P

Carrot oil is an effective part of your skincare.
The oil contains valuable oils from carrots, camille og pro-vitamin A.
These help to stabilize the skins reproduction.
It is paraben free

This is an interesting product since
it is said to give the skin a pretty glow.

• Have you tried carrot oil?
• What is your favourite for the face?

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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Psycics!?!

I think I am loosing it =P

I think we might need a psycic =P

We have missplaced two bodum cups.
Last time we had them was in the car,
and now they are just missing.

Sooo bummed out.
Really wanted to bring tea with me in

the car when we drive on vacation.

Had been ok to have a cup to keep it warm.

I am so sure they will turn up when we
dont need them anymore =P

It is a big mysterie!

Illustrationphoto

These are the kinds of cups lost =P

• Have you seen our cups? =P
• Do you believe in psycics?

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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Weddingday survival kit =)

On ones weddingday one want everything to go perfectly.
That means a weddingday survival kit might come in handy.
And a mini kit for the maid of honor is also a smart idea =)

But what does a kit need?

* Paracetamol
* Bandaids
* A bottle of water
* Clear nailpolish (to save the pantyhose)
* Dental floss or toothpicks
* Extra earring backs
* A spare pantyhose
* Bobbypins
* A little sewingkit
* Safetypins
* A tiny pair of sissors
* Stain remover
* Drinking straw(So the bride can drink
without wrecking the lipstick)
* Cleenex (For tearfilled eyes)
* Tweezers

What should the maid of honor have handy?

* Breath mints (you never know)
* Cellphone (In case of emergency, on silent)
* Comb/brush
* Money (Anything can happen)
* Hairspray
* Cleenex
* Makeup (One might need touch-ups)
* A tiny mirror
* Nail file
* Perfume
* Something eatable with loads of energy.
(Banana or chocolate works well)
* Tampons/Sanitary napkins

With these things you are ready for almost anything.
So if anything should happen with the bride or any of the other guests you have a handy little kit ready.

• Anything you think the kit needs?
• Did you have anything you wished
  you had ready for your wedding?

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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Baking, baking and baking some more =P

Bread is good.
Specially when going to the mountains.

Homemade bread, baked from scratch is the best. I really found me some extra energy yesterday and baked 9 bread. We are bringing 3 to the mountains and the rest of them will be in the freezer waiting to be eaten =P

We are finally almost done with everything befor the trip. We only need to buy 2 more things then everything we are buying is ready. Feels good to be almost done. Tho I think maybe my vallet is crying, or maybe it was my bankaccount =P

But we are soon on our way.
And by golly will we ever enjoy ourselves =)

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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2014's first barbaque =)

So let this years very first barbaque begin =)

Pretty nice to get away from the rain a little. It has been raining quite a bit the last few days. So now I am looking forwards to smoked porkchops and rice =)

Babygirl is being a big girl turning the sausages on the grill =) Gonna make sure to teach
her to become a good chef.

• Have you had your first barbaque?
• What is your favourite barbaque food?

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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15 weddingday tips ♥

Are you getting married?

Here are some tips you can take along for
the day and days befor =)

1.) Shoes
Dont go for high heels if you aint use to high heels. If you choose high heels anyways, pack a pretty pair of flats as well. ALWAYS make sure you have broken in your shoes befor the big day!!! Use the shoes for 2-3 hours a day for a couple of days, you can also put on pantyhose where you have dampened the feet and use in the shoes. Buy Compede bandaids and have ready. Antother smart thing is to use Compede stick. It is simply horrid to get blisters and be in pain on the day that is the biggest day of your life. I myself spent 2 weeks breaking in my shoes, and they kinda still hurt a little. I had bought some of those gelpads that you add in the front. Those pads helped me since I was not smart enough to think about bringing anything Compede =(

(Illustrationphoto from Abelone)

2.) Wetwipes

It is well smart to have a pack of wetwipes handy so you can wipe off your dress if you get it dirty. Have one of your bridesmaids keep a pack for you. There are small packages that fits nicely in a handbag =P I myself was not smart enough to think of anything like that, so I ended up with the stains of the welcomedrink on my dress =/ Nice pinky orange stains. So we had to run around to find tissues to wipe it with. Another thing is if it is muddy outside the church then you can wipe of the mud on the bottom of your dress so it is nice and clean befor walking down the isle. But ALWAYS makes sure the dress fabric agrees with wetwipes =)

3.) Toiletthelp =P
Have someone help you when you need to go =P For some it might be easiest to actually remove the dress. So then it can be handy to have a undress and redress help. If one decides to remove the dress it will make it easier to keep for staining it. I myself had a dress that allowed for just holdinghelp =P Mighty happy I had my sister as my maid of honor.

4.) Hair and makeup
Make sure to get hair and makeup trials. It is important you are 100% pleased on your big day. I myself only had a hair trial. Cause I have issues that made the hair my most important thing. And my hairdresser did both my hair and makeup, and I knew her well so I felt sure she would do what was best for me =) I as well had my sister with me who I would say almost knows me better than I do =P

5.) Make sure to have enough time!!!
Dont wait until the last minute. It will only stress you. The bride is suppose to arrive a little late =) But if you think it will take 3 hours, set 4 or 5 hours to make sure =) Are you running late, dont stress. He cant get married without you =P I ran late from the hairdresser and I could really feel that I was stressed when we walked down the isle. I look kinda mad-ish when I am stressed =P

Blanket for my boy =)

So managed to get the blanket for
my big goy done too =)
So that means both my babies can have their
blankets for when we go on our eastertrip.

One Susanne skein was used for John's blanket.
And the blanket measures 92 cm in
width and 150 cm in lenght.

Think it is pretty decent for a one skein blanket =)

 I think the colors on this yarn is so pretty =)

Already have my own blanket ready to be knitted =P
Gonna knit a Mor Signe blanket for myself.

But I think maybe I need to finish
my version of the Skappel jacket first.
I get lazy when I have to undo something =P
I had almost the whole body of
the jacket done when I realized that it was much to big.
So had to start over again.
But now I almost got the body ready again =)

• So what are you doing this fine saturday?
• Would you like me to put up the
  Mor Signe pattern for you?

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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A girly day in town ♥

Today I got a little girly day in town with
my bestest little sister =)

Felt nice to get som girly time.
Even tho I aint got much money to spend
it was well nice to get some time without
hubby and kids =P

Got some shopping done for our easter trip.
And then I managed to shop dinner
for 6 days and two packs of diapers
for only £39,60  =)
I think I am allowed to be mighty proud of that =)

Now all I am missing is
the last little bit of shopping for
the trip. But I will do that next week =)

Oh and I also decided to spend £10,50 on
me and my little sister =)

Cause Handlaga has gotten Yankee candles!!!! YAY!!!!

Oh boy oh boy what nice scents ♥

For sure gonna buy some big ones when

☆★☆ DIY ☆★☆ Birdfeeder

So I wanted to see and hear more birds

around our house.

So I made some birdfeeders =)

Took two and put up in a tree

outside our entrance =)

Hopefully the birds will like it =)

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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Wreck this journal ♥ Trace your hand

Ok I am SOOOO sorry!!!! 

I totally forgot to put up my wreck this journal

yesterday as I promised =(

Things just got a little bit too hectic for us.

But here it is today ♥

I had to trace my hand for this page.

I remember doing this as a kid and

making it into all sorts of

funny things.

I remember doing

a turkey

several ghosts

and loads more =)

But for this I decided to just

make it my plain hand.

I kinda like my hands.

I feel my hands look feminine =)

What do you think of your hand?

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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♡ Tutorial ♡ Hello Kitty nails

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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Garnier BB cream?!?

Ok I just noticed a little something. 

And I decided this was too massive not to share.

I loooove Garnier's BB cream for

oily to combination skin.

It has a good color for me and

it isnt thick and icky.

Tho the very first one I bought

was the normal Garnier BB cream.

I only used it once.
It was thick and the color was

no good for me.

Well I was just asked to have a

look at mine to see if they were about

the same color.

They are NOT!!!!!!!

The droopy one is for oily to combination

the blob is the normal one.

Both are in light/clair!!!!

There is a serious color difference there.

And belive me it shows

when you use it.

So a little tip for Garnier!

FIX the color!!!!

And a little ps from me:
I am working on a new video and
as well a new Wreck this journal =)
I am thinking I am gonna get the video up today
and the Wreck this journal tomorrow =)

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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Mor Signe blanket done =)

Finished babygirls blanket =)
So that means she will actually
get to bring it on the eastertrip =)

I simply think the colors
on this blanket is amazing.
Girly, yet not over the top girly =)

Here is a little closeup
of the colors.

And of course I just had
to take a picture of babygirl
the first time she got the blanket over her.

She is actually cuddling the blanket here =P

I have started on a simular
blanket for my big boy.
Just different colors.
It aint a Mor Signe one,

it is just a standard knit one =)

You can actually see it in my baileys blog =P

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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Coffee baileys, knitting and Grimm =)

Using our saturday well =) 

Here I got coffee and baileys in my cup,
knitting in my lap and
Grimm on Netflix.

We got a great night.
Maybe it was about time to
get this baileys drunk befor it spoils =P

What are you up too on this fine saturday evening?

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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Wreck this journal ♥ Draw outside the lines

Today we are drawing outside the lines =)
This was a well fun page to do.
I decided to make it into one
of my favourite scenes that I
used to draw when I was younger.

I have always loved the

halloween-ish look =)

It was alot of fun to draw this again.

And I think I need to bust

out my pencils more often.

Really hope you like it =)

Are you doing Wreck this journal?

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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Got styled today ♥

WARNING!!! Picture heavy =P

Been into town today.
Hubby had a job interview and
me and babygirl went windowshopping
at the senter =)

And guess what...

Vita had a makeup artist from Art Deco there =)

She helped me learn a little
more about makeup on my

kind of eyeshape =)

Here is the result ♥

And here is a little closeup of it =)

☕ Vlogeti vlog ☕ Tears and cancerfear

Being afraid aint no fun =/

But here is a little update

on whats going on in my life.

♥ Hugs from Lilli ♥

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